Some 'How To' suggestions

Increasing our awareness of what we are feeling, as well as allowing others to see what we are feeling, takes a lot of practice. To increase our awareness, we need to become familiar with our own particular patterns of thoughts, as well as our bodies. That is because our bodies often give us clues as to what we are feeling.

As you practice increasing your knowledge of your particular patterns of defence, you might want to begin to notice what effect your defensive style has on all of your relationships. To do so, you might first describe a situation in which you used a defence mechanism. Look within, and describe how you felt at the time.

• Were you angry?
• Were you sad?
• Were you feeling uncomfortable?
• What defences were you using?
• How did this defence block you from learning this experience?
• How did this effect the person(s) involved?
• Did it frustrate, anger, or trick them?
• Did it prevent the situation from being resolved?

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